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  • Writer's pictureGail Ludwig, LCSW

Having a positive relationship with yourself


Lotus flower with person in it


Different reactions to life disconnect us from ourselves and a positive relationship


“There are three ways to cut ourselves off from ourselves- from our being states, pursuit, withdrawal, aggression.” Tara Brach


Identifying with the ego or ego sense of ourselves is like putting on a costume ( like a superhero ) to hide who we are. We identify with the costume and we forget who is in the costume, who is here.


The degree of identification with the ego self is how we perceive others. If we are feeling like the wanting self, the fearing self, the one who wants approval, or the one that needs to defend or attack, then what we tend to see in others is the same thing, the same patterns. We see their costume. We will project onto others what our egoic self knows and identifies with. We won't see behind the costume, who the other person really is. ( Tara Brach-The Path for Intimate Relationship-Self discovery)


We tend to hide who we are to keep ourselves safe. (Therefore we don't see others either. ) We won't expose ourselves because of our fears. Most people want to be loved, to be accepted, to heal their pain, and to feel safe yet, what we do is just the opposite.


Often times we are not aware of it, of how we disconnect. We are so sure of our thoughts and opinions, we don’t question ourselves, our behavior, motivations. We feel we are right, it is what we know. It is familiar. it is safe.


We may have opposing thoughts or feelings, but we dismiss them, or just don't listen. We may have an awareness but we ignore it. Do we also ignore the truth?

The path that we are on in life is to come into an intimate relationship with ourselves. In so doing we then can be in an intimate relationship with all life.

Quotes from Rumi “Your path is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.


Journalling is one way to do this, start by finding a safe place to write, and take three deep slow breaths, you can start by asking ourself a question, Are you telling the truth about yourself? What do you like best about yourself? Can you find one loving spot within yourself that you connect with? Even a small little spot. Sit with this loving spot, smile, and fill it with light. Let the light in, let it grow, and open your heart to it, connect to a loving thought, image feeling and fill your spot with love.








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